Do you ever stop and realize that you are like your parents now? In other words, you are the parent (if you have children of your own) and not the little kid anymore? Some of you may think I’m a little wacked out. Of course, we parents should all know this by now, right? What I mean is, I look at Elyssa and Natalie and think, “That use to be me!” I use to be their age living fancy-free. I had no cares in the world. I didn’t worry about where my next meal would come from or where I would sleep. I was young and just having fun. My whole life was ahead of me.
I remember playing with matchbox cars in the dirt in the front of my parents house. I remember making forts in the woods behind their house. I remember playing cops and robbers with the guy across the street. We use to think it was so unfair that he would be the robber on a motorcycle racing through the trails we had made in the woods while my sister, brother and me would be cops chasing him on our little bicycles. We never caught him. Surprised?
Time is racing on, isn’t it? I can only imagine what my parents felt when they were my age raising three kids. I wonder if they ever pondered back on the childhood of their parents and thought about what it must’ve been like for them. It’s weird how we all start out as babies, then kids and then grow up only to get old. I was asking Mark tonight if he ever had thought about this and he started singing, “The Circle Of Life.” I just shook my head and laughed. I’m too deep for my own good sometimes.
Anyway, I have looked at Elyssa lately and noticed her little baby legs turning into little girl legs. She is changing right before my eyes. She also says such “big-girl” things now. I see her older cousin, Meagan, in her.
And, now, I can finally get Natalie to sit on the potty for a little while. Soon, (hopefully) she will be potty-trained and she will no longer be considered the “baby.” I’ll just watch in amazement as she starts talking and feeding herself better and changing into a full-blown toddler.
Pretty soon the only baby in the house will be Victoria and I’m sure our time with her will fly by, too. I will cherish our “baby days” with her because I know unless God chooses otherwise, she will be our last little munchkin.
The time of childbearing years are most likely over and we will move into our next phase of life. Am I glad? Probably not. I guess having kids makes me feel younger than I am. I’ve enjoyed every pregnancy experience, except for the worry that came with Victoria’s pregnancy. Having children has definitely made my life more complete. It’s been a huge blessing. Some of you with teenagers are saying, “You just wait! You will eat those words when they turn 13!” I hope I don’t eat those words no matter how many feminine napkins and tampons I have to buy, or how much zit medicine we might go through. Maybe the mood swings won’t get to me too much and maybe the bickering will be to a minimum. I think Victoria will help keep Elyssa and Natalie straight and hopefully, she will be the one to remind me what a joy children are.
May I never really grow “old” and may my heart and mind stay as young as my girl’s are now!
PS – I got a cute video of Natalie sitting on the potty today. I found a great bag that seems to keep her occupied. She loves putting things into it and taking them right back out. It’s great when it takes so little to entertain them, isn’t it?
PSS – Here is a video of Natalie doing some new things. She “winks” and has learned a few other things from her teachers at Mom’s Day Out. She has a great golf swing and also does the “Chicken Dance.”
I think I’ve learned something new about myself. Yes, through the process of my pregnancy with Victoria, her birth and all of the chaos surrounding her heart surgery I have had time to learn something interesting about myself. I couldn’t put my finger on it until today, though.
Today was kind of a bummer day. Nothing in particular happened. The girls went to Mom’s Day Out while I stayed home with Victoria. I just felt “down” and I didn’t really know why. I mean, I guess I’ve gotten “use to” this routine of always staying at home, unless I get relief to run to the store. It just gets old sometimes.
I was also feeling overwhelmed today. Overwhelmed by all of the household chores piling up. There were piles of clothes to wash, piles of dishes to wash and put away … you name it, it needed to be done. Chasing two little ones around along with caring for a new recovering baby is a big task and the housework gets shoved to the side, I’m afraid. I think I’ve been feeling overwhelmed for several days now, but it really hit me today. When I get to the point I was at today, I feel myself shutting down. It almost is hard to put forth effort to do any of the things I see that need to be done, because by the time I do that little bit, other things will have multiplied (because of the girls making new messes), leaving me in more of a predicament than I was in before. I never seem to get “caught up.” Ever been there?
Thankfully, my mom came over mid-morning and without me having to ask, she began helping me. I think she knew I was swamped. I’m sure she could tell by looking at me that I was on the verge of “looneyville.” I was thankful to have the help. We put away countless articles of clothing, washed several loads of clothes, put away dishes and washed dishes. It turned out to be a productive day.
In the midst of doing all of the chores with my mom, in my quiet state of working, I realized what I think is wrong with me. I realized why I’m feeling “down.” See, we’ve had so much attention given to us for such a long time and now to be home … there are not as many calls, emails, visits, etc. Now that Victoria is recovering well, I guess people assume that we don’t need to be contacted as much. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that we do need to be contacted like before. I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I’ve learned something important about myself. I realized today that I am way more of a “people-person” than I ever thought I was. I use to think I was re-charged by solitude in my younger years. I’m realizing now that I’m re-charged by socializing and being “real” with people. That is probably why this blog has been so important for me. It’s been a way I can release my emotions and vent my feelings to a cyber-space of friends who encourage me and keep in contact with me. Being house-bound has made me realize that I can be house-bound if I have to be, but I really do enjoy my friendships outside of the home.
During this entire process, I’ve felt a closeness with so many people that I may have not had an opportunity to experience otherwise. It’s been great to know so many people are concerned and lifting us up during such a trying time. I think now that some of that has faded and we have all gone back to our “normal” lives (we still don’t quite know what “normal life” is yet), I miss being in daily contact with so many folks. I know things will not always be as they were and I surely don’t expect it to continue to be that way, I just find it interesting that I’ve learned this funny thing about myself.
During a crisis, I find it so refreshing to see people stop the business of their lives to remove their “masks” and reveal a very “real” side of themselves to comfort the person in distress. You never wish for the crisis, but I must say … a crisis brings out the best in a lot of us. It brings out a side that might otherwise be hidden by the fast pace of life. A crisis causes you to stop and re-think the value of the person in the crisis and the value of the friendship you have with that person. After things are “okay,” everyone tends to go on with “normal” life activities and we all begin again the rat race we were in before.
I’m not blogging all of this for more phone calls, emails or comments. Please know that. I’m just having a moment of revelation. I know I’ve been the person not in the crisis before, offering help to the person that is in need. Then, after the horrible event is over in that person’s life, I’ve thought they were okay and that they didn’t really need me anymore. I guess I’m realizing that it’s nice for me to stay “real” just a little bit longer and not rush so quickly into the craziness of life before I have to.
A crisis is more of a blessing than I once thought it to be. Although we don’t initially want to, maybe more of us need to enter into one. It’s in the crisis that you have an opportunity to give or receive love a little more than we normally might tend to do. It’s in the crisis that you realize how thankful you really are. And, it’s in the crisis that you slow down or even stop long enough to let your walls down to reveal that a wonderfully vulnerable person is under the facade.
It’s also in the crisis that you really call out to God in a way you never have before. You seek His face more diligently and you realize that it’s sad that it took such a life-changing event to push you into that place. After the crisis is over, you realize that you miss everything that came with it and you never want your life to be the same again.
Crisis anyone?
Natalie and I are the middle children amongst our siblings. “They” say middle children are messed up, right? So, I guess we are pees in a pod.
I took this video of the girls the day before yesterday. They were playing in Elyssa’s room. They really enjoy their Dora house, which was a great gift from a friend. You can tell who the boss is between the two girls. Elyssa! Natalie enjoys her big sister reading to her and occasionally has a little input to the conversation. If you listen closely, Natalie interjects something into Elyssa’s story, after which I say, “Natalie … what was that???” She tooted, if you don’t figure it out on your own! The funniest part is that after I asked her that question, she actually started looking around trying to see what it was!
I had Elyssa serenade me. She did her version of “Get Down” that she learned in Sunday School at church.
She also does her version of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” You gotta love it when they repeat lyrics because they don’t really know all the words to the song!
