Recently, I was asked an interesting question. The inquiry came from a friend of a friend. The question was, “Are you for real?” I thought that to be an odd question at first. After all, I feel like I’ve bore my heart and soul out in my blogs. This question happened to come from another mother of a Down Syndrome girl older than my own. I guess she may have thought I had dealt with Victoria and her “issues” better than she expected I would. I was a little surprised to know that someone actually thought I had done well emotionally through the past few months when, at times, I felt like I was falling apart.
I openly admit that I have cried more and harder in the past few months than I think I have in my entire life. I openly admit that my brain has been on major overload more than I thought I could handle. I have seen the verge of insanity and I think in my heart that the Lord kept me from falling over the edge.
Nothing is harder than feeling out of control. That is exactly where my life has been. Even last night after going to church for a morning AND night service for the first time with Victoria, I felt majorly stressed out last night. And, after having a very stressful day, I was only to be awakened three or four times during the night by a screaming 1 1/2-year-old who couldn’t find her pacifiers in her bed (Okay … I really don’t know what is worse … a child who sucks fingers or one who is addicted to pacifiers!).
Life is really trying at times right now with three young girls. I just know that I pray a lot and ask God to help me bear through it. I’ve learned that God isn’t just there during the “bright spots” in our life, but He’s there during the most difficult times. As times are challenging in the day-to-day living, I have to think back on all the Lord has done for us in the past few months. I have to say, “Okay, Lord. If you can save my child from death, surely You can keep me sane each day with the pressures I encounter.” I have to trust that God will give me what I need when I need it.
I’m thankful for a Father who holds me in His hand and reminds me that He loves me. He reminds me that He has me exactly where He wants me … caring for my beautiful gifts from Him. What a privilege that He thought I could handle all He has placed on my plate. I just take each day as it comes and praise Him for helping me through it. I know eventually, as my girls grow, that things will get easier in some ways and harder in others. It’s a cycle that continues. But, I’m sure as they grow, I’ll think back to these days and almost wish they were here again!
Mark’s parents have a beach house at the Gulf and we spent the past few days there with them. We had a really nice time, even though it was a very short stay. I’m sure the girls enjoyed some different scenery since we have been home a lot over the past few months because of Victoria’s condition.
Natalie has been a little slow in saying words that we understand. Don’t get me wrong, she talks ALL the time. She is “jibber-jabbering” though. You can understand how we got excited tonight when she repeated us saying “Messick” pretty clearly. We were in the van coming home from “Comedy Night” at our church (YES…we have comedians come in and do shows each summer for a few nights!!!). Mark asked her to say “Messick” and she did. It was so cute that we all clapped and cheered for her. So, all the way home that is what we had her saying. When we got in the house, we decided to video her. Wouldn’t you know she got all shy!! She and Elyssa are total opposites. In the video, Elyssa is climbing on my head or doing whatever she can to get in the shot. Natalie is crying trying to get away from the camera. Go figure. Enjoy the video!
Ahhh…she finally says “Messick” in this next clip!
The following video is of my nightly ritual with Natalie. “The brushing of the teeth!” It’s always a terrible experience for both of us. Maybe you will get a laugh from it. Maybe one day, she and I will too!
