I was actually feeling well enough tonight, after the allergy episode this morning, to attend the 33 Miles concert at my church. That was my original plan, so I’m glad the Bennadryl kicked in enough to get me back to normal, for the most part.
It was a great concert. Sitting in the audience brought back a flood of emotions. As I looked onstage at my friend, Chris, I was reminded of my love for music. I could still feel myself having desires to sing and minister through music as I use to. Having kids has changed things somewhat. It’s not that I don’t still have desires for those things, it’s just that my desires are pushed to the background now. They don’t get the same attention as they once did.
When I was single, I could give however many concerts I wanted, travel and really do so much more. As a wife and mom, I am “tied down.” (But, that is a great thing! Don’t get me wrong!) I cannot just pick up and do whatever without first thinking of my husband and children. I have to think of others before myself. There is much planning involved. Being a mom has taught me an important lesson. Nothing is about me. It’s all about my kids and husband and what I need to do for them. I exist, but not like before. My existence is not for me.
B.C. (Before children), it was all about me fulfilling my musical dreams or going after ministry opportunities full on. A.C. (After children), my schedule is planned around doctor visits or the routines of my girls. Do my girls have any idea that their mommy is a musician with a huge desire to minister through those talents? I’m sure not. But, the thing I hope they do know is that their mommy is always there for them. I hope they somehow see Jesus in me as we go through our days together. In the most minute of tasks (such as potty training, eating, learning to sleep well in their OWN beds, etc.), I hope they are brought closer to a relationship with the Lord because of me and their dad.
As I sat through the concert tonight, I thought (as tears strolled down my face), “I miss this.” I knew I missed the “feeling” of being in front of people, sharing my musical gifts. I missed that whole “life” and felt myself battling these weird feelings inside as I listened to the great music. But, as 33 Miles sang “One Life,” I realized that God has given me one life to live for Him. He has given me this moment with my husband and children. I will not always have the opportunities I have now to train them and raise them up to know the Lord. This is such an important time even though I’m not living in the lime-light. I’m in front of no crowds as I am couped up in this house with my three girls. Only the Lord sees how I’m living in front of them. He is my audience and I want more than anything to have His applause in how I perform.
So, tonight I’m challenged to reminded myself every moment, that what I do right now does matter. It may not be the most fun at times and it may not receive the highest praise right away, but it’s important, nonetheless. There are other things I could and would like to be doing, at times, but I sacrifice those desires for a higher calling. My higher calling is harder than anything I’ve ever done in my life. There is no job that I’ve ever had, with a normal paying salary, that is harder than raising three kids under the age of 3. This beats any challenge I’ve ever had, but it’s doubly rewarding. When I look back on my life, I want to one day say that is was worth it all. I want to feel so much satisfaction from the end result of my sacrifice. I pray that my husband will love me more and more each day and that my girls will be about the Lord’s work.
May the Lord remind us all that this life is temporary and we’d better make the most of every moment we have. May we live this “one day” not for us, but for Him!
Heather, I believe that God will richly bless you for being a “stay-at-home” mom and raising 3 beautiful girls for His Glory!! You will never have the regrets that some of us have when you look back at this time. Enjoy it because it will be over way too soon!
We love reading your blogs and your church family prays for your family!
Thank you Heather for being human and remembering what life was like (BC) before children and how you actually did things besides potty training and changing diapers but thank you too for helping us Moms remember that God has put a greater joy and job in front of us as Mothers and spouses!! What a blessing to all to know that even being a Mom as rewarding as that is we still were people with lives before kids!! LOL!! But what joy being a Mom brings and we would not trade it for the world!! Thank you for your encourgement. I love reading your blog!! Keep the blogs coming and know that you and your family are in our prayers!!
God bless you for sharing your thoughts with us!
You are truly inspiration, sweetie … as you know, I was not able to have children of my own. I look back over my life sometimes and wonder how different things might have been if I’d been blessed with little ones. But then again, I also realize what a huge responsibility kids are, and how much of oneself a devoted mom has to sacrifice. It’s a tall, tall order, one that God alone places on a woman’s life … and for your three babies, He chose one amazing mommy when He picked you!
Heather, you inspire us all in so many ways. We, too, miss your vocal talent and gifts, but the music you’re making in your daughters’ hearts will last FOREVER!
God bless you for your devotion to them, and your inspiring words in this blog. I pray that He continues to make Himself known to you and through you in powerful ways!
Take care …
Eleanor
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